The Absence of Light
by mtfrosty
Summary: No sun, no star, no light... darkness. A place for him to hide. To hide not only himself, but everything attached. All of the guilt, anger, hatred, fear... he could define darkness easily enough. So what was light? Mustafar muse...


_So, this is just as much me musing as it is me writing another Mustafar one-shot, but I found a video on youtube and simply could not **not **be inspired to write something relating to it. The video is actually a trailer for another fic on this site called "Like Fragile Glass" written by Shtuff, I think. Anyways, a big shout out to him/her for their amazing talent in both creating the video and writing the fic (which I'd wish he/she would update!). I really suggest reading it. Definitely an interesting twist on the canon and a fantastic character study, in my opinion. Highly suggest it. :)_

_Anyways, here it is... credit for the poem goes to whoever wrote it (It was narrated in One Tree Hill, a show I've never seen before). Wish I knew the author..._

* * *

_**Does this darkness have a name?**_

_**This cruelty, this hatred?**_

_**How did it find us?**_

_"What is light?"_

_It is the sun. Twin suns beating down on me. Sometimes they're orange, or yellow, red if it's smoky... sometimes I can't see them, because they blur and fade into the sky._

_Does that mean it's dark, if I can't see the suns? I didn't think I would be able to see in the dark._

_"Light is the sun? Just the sun, nothing else?"_

_Well... I guess it's the stars, too. They're bright. Just as bright as the sun, you know. Just farther away... did you know that the suns are stars? The closest ones to my home, but here they are far away. At night, I could show you which two they are. Mother pointed them out to me on a chart once. One of those star charts that some people still use to navigate. You know, the old way. Without all of the instruments and such._

_She told me if I know where every single star is, I can never get lost._

_"Why is that?"_

_Do you know where all of the stars are?_

_"Quite a few."_

_All of them?_

_"I'm afraid I can't even count that high."_

_Then you're lost, and so am I, but only if we go where we don't know the stars. _

This planet had no stars. Not that he could see, though the chart said there was one. Just one. Somewhere beyond the dense haze that was clouding his vision, irritating his eyes, making him choke.

He couldn't see it, even though it was there.

_****__**Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it?**_

_"What is light?"_

_The opposite of dark._

_"I suppose that is a definition of sorts."_

_You asked._

_"Tell me, then. What is dark?"_

_The opposite of light._

_"And if they aren't opposites?"_

_They are._

_"Nonsense."_

_Master, your _nonsense_ is nonsense. They are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum._

_"You're implying such a great distance between the two."_

_Dark is dark, master. Black. Nothing. Light is bright. It's... something. They are completely different. It's not a matter of distance, it's a matter of existence. Light exists. Darkness doesn't._

_"Ah, but I'm confused now. If darkness does not exist, then how can it be the opposite of light if it cannot even 'be'?"_

_Okay, so it 'exists', but just not... as... well, as _much_. Everything has an opposite._

_"Only those things that are intrinsic. For example, short is the opposite of tall. Short is short and tall is tall. A youngling must grow for a few years before he might be considered even average, and many more before he might be considered tall. He may never even grow to be tall."_

_As evidenced by you?_

_"If it helps you understand my point..."_

_It doesn't. _

_"Another intrinsic value: heat. Hot and cold. In the middle, there is warm. Thus, we have opposites."_

_So, if there's a middle value... dim. In between light and dark, there is dim._

_"Dim is still light."_

_From a certain point of view... What? Only you're allowed to say that? You love pointing out the different points of view to me all the time. Why can't I do the same?_

_"Very well..."_

_To some people, light will always be the opposite of dark, master, whether you agree or not. Some opposites are closer than you might like them to be._

_"They aren't opposites."_

_You know it's okay to be wrong. You taught me that... maybe I should ask you the same question._

_"Another time, perhaps..."_

_No. You're not walking away. If I can't, you can't. What is light?_

_"Anakin..."_

_Quit beating your own bush and just rip the thing out of the ground, will ya?_

_"You're asking the wrong question."_

_**What happened to us?**_

_**That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war,**_

_**hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some will be lost along the way...**_

What is light? In a place like this, it was almost impossible to come up with an answer. Fourteen years ago, it had been the sun and the stars, but this place only had one star, which meant only one sun. One that he couldn't see.

Fourteen years ago, that would have meant this place was dark. No sun, no star, no light... darkness.

A place for him to hide. To hide not only himself, but everything attached. All of the guilt, anger, hatred, fear...

He could define darkness easily enough. So what was light?

_Then why do you insist on an answer from me?_

_"So that you would realize there isn't one. Light simply is."_

_It simply... is? Okay... well, what is darkness, then? _

_"Precisely."_

A place for him to hide. His refuge, his comfort. Security. Nothing could touch him here. What is light?

No. What is _darkness_?

He should know, _does_ know. He created it, after all. His very own darkness where he could just disappear and no one would seek him out and question him about that dreadful light. Here, his secrets were safe, his anger was safe, his passion was safe. Nothing would ever threaten to take them from him again, and that Force-forsaken light wouldn't be there to light him up for the whole universe to see.

Here... here was darkness. He could never define light, put a name to it.

But here was darkness. Darkness was here. Did this darkness have a name?

_You didn't answer me._

_"You already know the answer."_

They fought and he burned. He burned forever, and squinting up through the flames eating away at his face, melting his skin in the very _definition_ of agony, he saw a light. It wasn't the star that he hadn't been able to see and it wasn't the eerie glow of the lava he had avoided up until now.

It was a man.

_"What is light, Anakin?"_

In this very moment, it was the man above him, but he was fading, growing dim.

Dim was still light, right?

Only until dim ceased to be, and then it was dark. The flames burnt away to nothing, until his very skin was the remains of what had been a crackling blaze, charred and ashy. Dark.

He reached out a hand, but the light was already gone, a star that had just vanished, a spark that had been snuffed out. In its place stood a man, but not the same man.

This one was dirty, beaten, stained with tears, singed with ash and dust, and infinitely lost.

Anakin didn't know this man.

Vader did.

**_When did we lose our way?_**

**_Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness..._**

_"What is light, Anakin?"_

No, what is darkness?

_"You already know the answer."_

The man turned his back and walked away. Even as Vader swore his revenge, Anakin screamed for his brother to return. _Help me!_

Did this darkness have a name?

No. It had two.

Anakin... and Obi-wan.

_I do?_

_"It is the absence of light."_

_But how does that happen if light always is and always will be, like you said?_

_"By us choosing not to see it. If we cannot find a place to hide, we create that place."_

_I don't want to hide._

_"Everyone wants to hide, Anakin."_

_You're wrong._

_"Oh...?"_

**_Does this darkness have a name?_**

Cruelty. Hatred. Rage... burning, passionate, swelling rage... his darkness. The darkness called 'Anakin'. The silence lasted forever, and he was still burning. He knew he would never forget that feeling. Never be able to _not_ feel it. He would always feel it.

Just like he would always be able to see the light that had once stood above him fade away into dim, and eventually blink out, leaving nothing but more darkness. His hiding place had grown, expanded, welcomed another and hadn't welcomed him at the same time. Though they were hiding in the same place, they still couldn't see, touch, or feel one another.

Both were hiding. There was no light here. Only two dead stars, smoking embers of what they had been only hours before.

_Nobody wants to hide. Everybody just does._

_"So what are they hiding from? What are _you_ hiding from?"_

_Just me?_

_"I can't tell you what I don't know."_

_And you think that I can?_

_"I suppose know one really knows...can I ask a favor of you, though?"_

_Anything._

_"Whatever it is I'm hiding from... will you find me?"_

Did this darkness have a name?

No. It had many.

And yet they all meshed into one. Eventually, another blur of a man came and lifted his charred and twisted body off of the charred and twisted ground that he had become a part of. This shadow, just another part of the sweet illusion he had fallen into, gave him legs so that he could walk again, and another arm so that he could wield his weapon once more.

The darkness was good. It made him whole, satisfied his thirst for revenge, for justice. Gave him everything he had ever asked for.

And no one could find him. No one would know what he held deep inside of himself.

_What is light?_

It walked away from him. Left him. Melted into his darkness. He snuffed it out.

It is what he yearns for, because he will never forget the way he felt when his brother turned his back. When the brightest light became another of his darkest shadows.

Did this darkness have a name?

Yes. Just one.

Alone.

**_Is it your name?_**

* * *

_Again, this is really just me musing, but I suggest you check out the video. It really is a stunning piece of work. Since I can't figure out how to get a link onto this page, I'll just say that the video is called "Star Wars - When did we Lose Our Way?" by GraceOfElyon. Definitely check it out... seriously..._

_Feel free to leave a review or just a comment if you want... thanks! :)_


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